Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
