my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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