Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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