So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
