i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
