oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
