Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
