the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
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