Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
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I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
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You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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