Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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