Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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