mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
