my sisters under your porch take her home
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
