the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
