well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
