Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
