your room smells of hookers.
And success
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize