Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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