would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
