My hair reeks of homosexuality.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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