I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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