Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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