Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Randomize
