Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I just want nice things and good sex
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You ate ashes out of my bong
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
