we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
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Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
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We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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