the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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