im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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