Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
