I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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