its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
