Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
