What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
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