Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
