I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
