dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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