We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
