i don't like sucking hair
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
