were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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