I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
