Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
