What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
