I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
