I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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