I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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