dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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