just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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