Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
