she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
