It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
