Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
