dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
