and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Randomize
