it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
