I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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