I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
