Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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