I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
