Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
