Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Damn victory sex feels great
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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