i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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