just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
