dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
