you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
