Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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