Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
