I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
