all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
