wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
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