i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
