just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
