so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
