i just wanna soil my oats bro
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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