You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
