Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
That reminds me...we need to get swords
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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