Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
